Monday, December 27, 2010
My Revelation
Today I came home from the hospital at noon. I just couldn’t keep working. From practicing everyday with the choir, spending the night at Zara’s house for Christmas (staying up late, waking up early), to working at the hospital everyday 6 days a week. I was just exhausted. I have had many experiences these last few days that I feel are God’s divine appointments. I have talked to many people who have told me they can open their heart up to me. I feel like God is beginning to reveal why I am here. I came to this hospital thinking that I could be an influence to the patients only (by God’s grace I will be as well), but I don’t think God brought me here for other reasons. Not for those who are necessarily “weak”…physically, but those who are week mentally and spiritually.
Since I have been here, there have been times when I have been weak physically, mentally, and spiritually. When I first arrive, as I might have told you before, I was adamant about staying away from Malaria. Even my family will tell you that I prayed God would protect me. I thought it was going to be this great miracle! “Elissa went to Africa in the most malaria-infested country and came back without a single mosquito bite!” hooray!! The Lord humbles me all the time, and this was one of the times. I know some of you might think this is a ridiculous thought but, since the Lord as humbled me from that experience, and I have had malaria twice, I am now able to relate to the patients who walk into the hospital… almost every single one of them! I know that these diseases are dangerous, and I am still motivated to keep as healthy as possible, but if God brought me here, there is a reason why he puts me through these situations. I am living my life for Jesus Christ! What more do I need? Like it says in 2 Cor 12:10 “Therefore I am CONTENT with weakness, with insults, with troubles, with persecutions and difficulties for the sake of Christ, for whenever I am weak, then I am strong!” Now when persecution comes along, does this verse become invalid? NO! Quite the opposite actually… it is made alive in me! The words have sunk deep into my soul and every morning when I wake up, I relate to these words. I have been physically ill since I’ve been in Africa, but why would God bring me here to this place if he didn’t have a purpose for me? I’m weak, but God is made strong. I go through persecution knowing that God has gone through more. If I am living this life for Him, then there is nothing that I need to fear, for he is my provider.
Mentally, each day can become challenging. The only thing I wanted to do today was come home and shut my door to the world and be alone. Thankfully I got a few hours to myself (much needed). After I practiced with the choir and came home again, I just wanted to go to sleep. It was about 6 o clock. I laid down for a little bit, and realized I hadn’t eaten. Just a little bit ago, I got up and went to the kitchen. I was afraid to turn on my light for fear someone would see that I was home?. After turning on the light, I stood there for a few moments, listening for anyone outside. Finally, I relaxed… “Eliza!!!” I was startled by Pierre’s voice outside. I had forgotten that Pierre comes to my house every night and sleeps outside to watch over me. Since Pierre has been here, Caitlin and I have taken up the job of feeding him every night. We would always ask him when he came in, “when was the last time you ate?” he would tell us it was that morning. Caitlin never liked his answer and would stuff his face most every night. Now that she is gone, it is my responsibility to remember him and his needs. She even put a sign up that says, “feed Pierre”. I see it everyday ?! I realized after hearing his voice outside, that I have an obligation. An obligation to be mentally alert for those who are in need. I feel that God will give me strength in this situation as well. “Instead of being motivated by selfish ambition or vanity, each of you should, in HUMILITY, be moved to treat one another as more important than yourself. Each of you should be concerned not only about your own interests, but about the interests of others as well.” Phil 2:3,4. Because of the fact that I was so mentally exhausted, I didn’t want to feed Pierre, but God spoke to me tonight about true humility. Being a servant even when you are totally and completely mentally exhausted yourself. He gives you strength to go a little bit further when you feel like you are going to crash… and a little bit further, and a little bit further. I have realized that nothing in my life has not been overcome. Always… when I feel like I can’t go on anymore, my heavenly father steps in once again.
My spirituality has been faltering. I can hear you saying… “How can that be when you are serving the Lord in Africa? You have to lean on the Lord for everything in those kinds of places. That is what the experience is all about?” Well, to be quite honest with you, I haven’t had personal devotions for a while. The Lord has allowed me to slip away from the most important thing in my life so that I could try and see if I can be strong without him. Not only that, but I have tried to be spiritual without him. I honestly think that is why I am so exhausted today. I have tried to be a spiritual leader without seeking help from the spiritual leader himself! Tonight when I opened my Bible, I broke down in tears because my eyes were opened to my weaknesses. I have tried to be so strong without my source of strength. I can just picture God up in heaven saying to me, “Elissa, you do this every time…and you always come back in my arms exhausted because you tried be strong on your own… just let me carry you and stop worrying about what you can do, but let me worry about what I can do.” I usually picture a smile on His face when he says this, a little side note. He never fails me, I always fail him, but he is gracious and kind, and will let me fall so I can get back up and say, “God is my stronghold, a present help in time of trouble.”
Lately, like I was saying before, God has lead me to people who are really in need of a friend. I have gotten to pray, cry, and laugh with those who have been struggling. God has been using me (in my weakness) to reach out to these people. Three people have said they can open up their heart to me because they feel comfortable. That is not because I have done anything, but God who has allowed me to be a spiritual mentor. I feel he can use me to bring peace and tranquility to the hospital and those who come in and out each day. I pray that I will be an instrument of peace in what seems like a place full of disaster. I just need to remember these words when I am helping those in need “I planted, Apollos watered, but God caused it to grow. So neither the one who plants counts for anything, nor the one who waters, but God who causes the growth.” 1 Cor 3:6,7. I am just one person working with other people, but God is in this story. He has his hand on the hospital, and he will continue to grow all of us together spiritually.
This is what is on my mind tonight. I have many things to talk about in later blogs, but I want this entry to be one that when you read it, you will think of the hospital and the experiences that I have had here. I have lost sleep over these thoughts I’ve shared with you tonight. Continue to PRAY WITHOUT CEASING! God has been and is going to do amazing things here and I firmly believe that when we pray, our prayers are not unanswered. God bless us.
Some songs that we are singing in the Choir for the concert this weekend:
Chant en France:
Qu’it sont beaux sur les montagnes
Les pieds de ceui qui anonee
La paix la bonne nouvelle qui publie le salut.
Chant en Mafa:
Ndo madzahi tele veske nga tsukonri
A sam yesu Bi a sa van pambi na
A sa van pambi na
A san van woufe ndav
Chant en Fulfulde (I think):
Oh ta mbarou djoke sam baba
Nafinta ma yetsu ha yesu
Bone ma hukou donte ma fu ha
Yesu oh walete ronduggo nde
An baba a mouya le
Bana yesus an dada a mouya le
Ps. we are singing about 10-15 songs in total.
Posted by Elissa