It is rare to have a Christian wedding. Muslim weddings are common here. Animists (“traditional” believers as they call themselves) may just go the market on market day, and grab a girl and take them home. Or it could be a planned day between two families that have agreed. If this is the case then sometime after midnight the guys friends go find the girl at her house and steal her away to his house, and the rest is history.
From my understanding, the reason Christians don’t often have a ceremony, or just have a small one at their house with the pastor and family, is that it is expensive. To do a “proper” Christian wedding it takes two services and quite a bit of money. One service is in front of the Mayor, who is the one who performs the civil wedding. He generates the official paperwork of marriage. Many people attend, and all expect to be fed and given soda afterwards. Then next is a church wedding. After that, anyone who attends also expects to be fed. So in a place where there is never enough food, EVERYONE, who is remotely related or interested, attends. And little boys come in by droves afterwards to clean up residual soda in the bottles, food, crumbs, empty plastic bottles, everything!
So yesterday we attended the first part of the wedding of Avava and Valantine. It was to start at 10:00. So we arrived at 10. There were about 8 people there before us, as of course it was not starting at ten, but at ten African time. Sarah, Aud and I borrowed a moto and with both of them sidesaddle, we arrived “early”. With time a loaded car brought 8 or nine women, the first family members. The men gradually showed up on motos and the car came and went several times, and others walked. The hospital pickup arrived loaded with workers, waving hands, yelling yayayayayayaya, with some fists pumping the air (about 20 people). Eventually the groom came with his close friends, and last to arrive the bride with her friends.
Early on, people started taking seats in the meeting room. It is the only large meeting room in this government building. It is a white concrete building with a tin roof and yellow trim. Windows are slats of glass. The meeting room had wooden school tables piled in the back, slat windows and a raised platform with a desk and chairs. The remainder of the room was filled with white plastic lawn chairs. The most interesting thing was the signs up front to encourage people to get the free treatment for filarial worms. It encluded a poster with writing in French and pictures of elephantiasis of the legs and huge scrotums!
Each took a seat early, because only those there early (before the service started on African time) would have a seat. The rest stood outside or along the edges. We were seated right at the front with the families, as Audrey is best friends with the mother of the bride. Much talking ensued as we waited for the bride to arrive. Finally she arrived with the car horn constantly announcing her arrival. She and her groom entered unceremoniously and took the front two seats. As the mayor entered everyone stood, then reclaimed his or her seat.
The marriage took about an hour. The mayor happens to be a Christian, so I suspect could be different than others, however there are certain things that need to be defined in the service and recorded on the wedding certificate. There is a father or a family representative of the father in the front, and two other men that have been chosen as witnesses. The mayor asks questions like; First, is there any girls that are opposed to this marriage? Has Avava made any promises to any young girls? Anyone that contests this marriage? These three questions are repeated numerous times at the beginning and end of the marriage. Other questions included: Why do you want to get married? What about him attracted you? How do you plan on managing your money, separate or joined? Do you want to have one wife or many wives (monogamy or polygamy)? When difficulties arise, as they always do in Africa, how are you going to manage them? Avava, when your wife is sick and at the hospital and can’t cook and clean, and till the garden, and you cant afford to pay someone to help in the home, what will you do? – take another wife? Leave her? To each response that the crowd agrees with there is an outbreak of women yelling their approval, especially when the man chose to care and cook for his wife when she was sick (unheard of here) Once they have each answered these questions to the mayors satisfaction, the papers are signed by the couple, fathers, and witnesses. They stand and embrace and perform long, rotating, suck your face, kiss as only seen on TV, making everyone feel uncomfortable at seeing public affection. Then the sugar coated roasted peanuts, small donut appearing things, roasted peanuts, and sodas are distributed. First to the ‘important” people up front, and then the left over’s to the crowd, inside and out. Within minutes all is gone and people go outside to get pictures taken with the couple. Chaos ensues as each tries to be in the picture. Eventually a family member organizes who will be in the pictures. When they are done, the couple gets in a car and slowly drives with horn blaring, to their house. Many motorcycles, also with horns blaring, lead the way. We return to the hospital to do a prostatectomy that has been waiting. G